It is exactly 56 minutes until I turn 20 and leave behind me the first development years of my life. The best way to write about it would be to do it in the style of a decade review I suppose, try and recall what change me as a person, what had an impact, what I experienced, landmark moments and the people that were there throughout all of it. For some of you that have known me through these 10 years some of this will ring bells, to some of you I have known for a couple to 3 years this is a chance to get to find out what I was up to before I met you. For those of you with no interest in the gory details, I’ve put a lot of effort into doing my stats at the bottom of the page I don’t know how this is going to work, but if I get it done before 12 it will be the fastest entry I’ve ever written for anything in my entire 20 years on earth. I suppose I should start from the point when I first started to have a clue what was going on in the world and for many people of around my age this date would probably have to be September 11th 2001. The last chance any of us will ever have to experience world peace, the start of fear and the beginning of a war which will last longer and probably be more pointless then the Trojan one. From now on no one was safe on a plane, anyone with a beard was a terrorist and your human rights were to be exploited for the interests of safety. I have tried to ignore this atmosphere for the past 9 years. Even when having to experience it happen just literally 3 miles up the road from me 5 years later. But this isn’t a blog about terrorism, more a blog of what I’ve noticed and learnt in the past 10 years. I grew up not knowing what its like not to have a mobile phone or not being connected to the Internet and I suppose I could argue that I've grown up in the fastest technological revolution in human history, also I’m yet to really understand the perils of a possible Tory government. I haven’t had a bad teenage life; but of course it has been plagued with the usual loneliness, self-consciousness, self-loathing and incredibly down periods where I stopped seeing the point and I’ve also discovered the evil of money and what it does to people. But despite the obvious harshness of adolescents, I’ve also learnt that within this world of morons and corporate bastards there is also so much more beauty if you look for it. I’ve experienced intense highs, explored unchartered mental territory and even discovered the joys of free love. But I have to say my favorite discovery is that no matter how hard life gets, how much them bastards grind you down, even when your own family starts to seem alien to you, you always have your friends, who are the family you choose yourself.
School Days
People always told me that your school years are the best years of your life…. That person was wrong. I went to a Jesuit run all boys school in Wimbledon, and it was filled with cunts. Prisons probably have better morals between the inmates. Grassing was not a crime, no one could be trusted, the banter was fun don’t get me wrong, but 90% of the people were arrogant, vicious and lacked a lot of human decency, Don’t get me wrong, I was never a victim of bullying as such but the enviroment of them classrooms was an absolute chore. I also hated that it seemed like it would never end, 5 days a week 9-3.30 for 11 years, learning stuff which a majority of which is useless and then years later realizing that the importance of these “GCSE’s” was all a complete fabrication. The idea that without them you would fail at life and never achieve your dreams was a lie and I felt like those 11 years of my life was taken from me unfairly. However it weren’t all doom and gloom, with the help of my mates Jul, B, G, Lloyd, Charlie, Stinky, Scott and maybe a few other acceptations of which I’m too tired to list at the moment I was able to survive them pointless years in that building. All of us had no interest in any of the work that was set and as a result pretty much all of us flunked our exams and kind of went our separate ways. Which is when things started to get fun….
Adolescents
Now I’m no expert on what its like to be a teenage girl, probably because I’ve never been one. But I am aware of hormones and all that emotional shit. But I honestly think that the years of 14-16 are by far the hardest years for the teenage boy. A Catholic all boys’ school isn’t the best environment to discover girls in. The teenage years I feel should the main years of sexual experiments, it’s a great practice patch. Find out how things work, how to put what where, how to react to certain reactions, and what to say when the whole ordeal is finished. Unfortunately though at this age if you ain’t got the development you ain’t got a bloody chance. I for one at the ages of 14-16 was shorter, quieter, and less adventurous and had less self as teem then a Guantanamo prisoner. I did however at the age of 15 manage to somehow lose my virginity to a girl called Emma Watson (unfortunately not the star of Harry Potter) I wont embarrass the girl with too many details of the filth we endeavored in. But it was the most awkward and seemingly pointless act I’ve ever had and I cant help but feel that the brief relationship I had with that girl has turned me into the unlucky sex crazed, buffoon that acts before you, but what I discovered from the experience and then further experiences is that sex should just be a bit of a laugh…because it is isn’t it? Love has got little to do with it when your that age because I don’t think your really capable of being truly in love with your first girlfriend or whatever so your just doing it for fun, in which case WHY DIDN’T I GET LAID MORE!?. The reason being is that the last I heard of that girl was that she was acting odd and had lost all contact with any friends that I knew of her. It was a time I’d rather forget and on that note I would like to start talking about the good shit….. The second significant date of my teenage years was the 23rd of March 2004, the reason being this was my first live gig and the start of my love of music. I went to see The Zutons with my life long partner in crime Lauren. I have vague memories of the set list even, but considering this was in the wake of the Libertines split and the Indie world was still in a daze after The Strokes released “is this it?” I was soon to be a bit of an Indie boy. (At this stage I would like to point out that age 12 I would wear heavily baggy jeans, nirvana hoodies and bike chains). Now I don’t know whether it’s because I’m starting to get tired and I’ve already just completed a 1500 word essay but I’m far too jaded to discuss my journey through the love of music. But may I give thanks to Morrissey for saving my life again and again. Noel Gallagher for his fantastic Rock N Roll and to Thom Yorke for teaching me that rock music didn’t have to have guitars in it, Damien Rice for teaching me that your deepest feelings and stories could be told through songs… O and a little cheeky shout out to Nick Bracegirdle for teaching me that music could be made using computers. Since that date I have no clue how many gigs I’ve been to, or how many bands I’ve seen live but without music I’d probably be a dunce.
College
When I discovered that you could do a course at college that involved watching films, talking about them, and even making them, I thought it was far too good to be true. Until I met a man at NESCOT College who was going to then be a bit of a life mentor for me. When I failed my exams not a single soul had any hope in me, even my own mother had given up hope on my future, but I will always remember what Catlow said to me… “…O well, not the end of the world. Your young, a year is nothing, if anything its just another year of experience for you.” That mans belief in me gave me the first piece of real self-confidence I’ve ever had in myself. The good lord may never have blessed me with athletic ability, good looks, intelligence or even common sense at times. But Catlow made me believe that I could do anything I wanted if I really wanted. But my journey from the quiet boy at the back of the room was just beginning. My first year of college introduced me to two pivotal people in my life. The first was a young man called Matty, who by complete coincidence was friends with my life long partner in crime Lauren and through this my social life was born. I learnt the essential basics of how to drink, smoke and stay up late. The second was a young man who turned up late to his second day of college after skipping his first because he couldn’t be bothered to show up. This fellow is Jack Sparling or Del as I like to refer to him, he took me for my first drink (which I paid for) and was the first person I could properly have in-depth conversations about film with. He also taught me how to smoke and generally act in public although none of it ever set in. He told me once the only reason he went on the course was because whist visiting on a mates induction a girl smiled at him so he enrolled to see if he could find her… I dunno what kind of person I would of turned out to be if that girl didn’t smile at Del. My second course at college ( a 2 year national diploma media course) was by far the 2 best years of my life. A completely new introduction of people and a new appreciation of the pleasures of cannabis, I look back at those 2 years now with a sense of complete bliss. What other college could I get get top class teaching at, watch films all day, get stoned on a break, play football at lunch, watch another film, have a load of banter with some quality people and then get an education out of the end of it, of course I had my 3 main partners in crime there also. Lewis, Aaron and Josh. To this day I think they should of put us on the front of the college prospectus as a sign of the colleges multi-cultural vibes. Aaron chaved up to the eyeballs, Lewis with a 12 inch Mohawk and laced in punk gear, Josh pulling off a Chicago style coolness of a swagger and a Jackson 5 style afro and myself whatever the fuck I was. We would of looked brilliant on that front cover, if it weren’t for the spliff we al had in each of our hands anyway, But anyway… Aaron, Lewis, Josh, Chapman, yid, Steve, Luke, Freeman, Nick, Lizz, Sardine, Bud, Sam, Joe and all the rest. Cheers! Also as a result of that I can confirm that if you haven’t a GCSE or an A-level to your name, you can still get into a top university if you really, really, really try.
Drugs, Raves and Bangface!
During the hot summer of 2006 at a party in Cheam I bumped into a gorgeous South African girl called Kate. We got talking about football and music, exchanged numbers and the next week I went to her house to hang out. It was a large mansion like house in Wimbledon village with a massive garden and a converted garage which was a banging party room…It was in this room where I first experimented with hard drugs, an interest which was to turn into a bit of an interest of mine. I suddenly was hit with the realization that the reason take drugs was because they was fantastic...If only there was other environments where these chemicals would work well? Cue exactly one year later, sat in on a sofa in the notorious Electrowerkz club. I asked a geezer named Tree (that really was his name!) for a lighter and got chatting, he then recommend that I’d attend again but on a Bangface night. I headed his advice, and again me and my life long partner in crime attended and to this day I am Hardcrew. The amazement of this viciously loud and fast music being played in this cramped, sweaty, filthy club which stank to high heaven of ganja. Everybody with a smile on their face, everybody approachable to talk to…. Now as much as I’d like to go on about Bangface I really do think I should save that one for another time. As much as I’d love to let loose and tell tales of all the amazing people that I have met and all the amazing friends I have made thanks to a club night, I really am going to save it for another time and when I say another time, I mean a long time from now. Maybe when I’m bored of it all, or if I physically cant hack it anymore. But even on this of all blogs. A blog which I said I was going to reveal all…I honestly don’t have it in me to let loose that emotion on this my last time as a teenage boy.
What I’ve learnt
I am a Lazy bastard
The majority of the public are idiots.
It’s easier to be nice to people then to be horrible, and you always get a better reaction to a positive approach to things.
Money rules all!
(on seducing women) If you make the pussy laugh, you make the pussy wet!
Music is magic
Film is the greatest art form that I’ve experienced
Friendship is god’s greatest gift
Human deceny is our gift to God
I will always notice things getting worse but will never notice the benefits of life
Absolutely anything can be achieved if you want it to be
Festivals are a sanctuary for kindness, peace and love
Football harnesses a stronger passion then marriage and religion put together
Drugs were put on this earth to speed up and help the evolutionary process
A smile can go a long way
Having sex is just a laugh, making love is the important part
Personality is real beauty
Just be good and kind to each other because after all we are all we’ve got
Violence is a shit answer, wit takes real intelligence
Corporations will probably destroy society
Greed is the ultimate evil
Women are the devil
….Theres probably a lot more but as I mentioned earlier its been a long night and my mind is spent
Statistics
Days alive: 7304
Education: GCSE’s: 6 D’s, 3 E’s, 2 F’s A-Levels: None Diplomas: 2
Arrests: 1
Jobs: 5
Football Teams Supported: 1
Girls I’ve charmed: 11
Relationships: 0
Fallen in Love: 0
Festivals attended: 13
Cup Finals Attended: 4
Countries visited: 6
Bands seen live: 150 (approximatley)
What I do now?
Finish Uni and get a job out of it
Stop being lazy
Stop making excuses
Show some more respect to my parents
Save money
Find real actual love
Actually live out one of my passions
Travel
Shag more women
Run a marathon
Continue getting wasted but control it more
Have twice as much fun as I’ve already had
Final words and special thanks
To be honest with you I’m glad to see the back of the teenage years, I’ve seen all they’ve had to offer, I’ve learnt a lot, and I’m still learning which is exciting, I’ve met some of the finest people a young man can possibly hope to meet and I have a good idea of what I want to do with my life, sorry for lack of detail of certain events and life skills in this blog and it wasn’t as revealing as I’d hoped it be, I haven’t experienced that much bad stuff happen to me for it to be a thriller, I also hope you can respect I’ve just tried to sum up 10 years as quickly as possible. But if I could some it up in a sentence I suppose It would be something along the line of…I didn’t achieve everything I set out to do, and I made a lot of excuses, but I had a laugh and I regret nothing…but anyway a special thanks and respect to… (in no proper order)
Mam and Dad, Lauren Springer, G Brown, B and Jul Smith, Charlie O’Grady, Scott O’Conner, Kate Wessex, Jack Sparling, Matty Ashwood, Sam Fifield, Nairobi Affuko, Jay Sullivan, Craig Catlow, Alan Hardcastle, Lewis Grimwood, Mike Andrews, Axel Olson, Ian Gaughran, Lesley Remdond Josh Braithwait, Matt Chapman, Matt ‘The Yid’ Sharp, Matthew ‘freeman’ Carter, Luke Flight, Lizzie Millard, Stephen Hubbard, Sam Dowden, Neill, Leefus Fitzpatrick, Richard Unwin, Pete ‘razor’ Medlock, James Bangface, Sarah and Graeme King, Heidie Prag, James ‘Jean’ Simmons, Dominick Medler, Alan Mcleod, DAN, Dinn Warde, Mike Neufield, Dave Feneron, Jem ‘Gurner’, Hayley Morgan, Lee Hutcheon, The Regime Boys (Mic, Lloyd & Howard etc), Big Scottish Dave, Joe Amos, Holly Parker, Rosa Macey, Ian Hamilton, Tom ‘The Nonce’ Radford, Fiona Hamilton, Julie Pritchard, Adam Emberson, Ryan Mcfdagey, Duane Melius, Elliot Snook, Chris ‘Baldo’, Jenny Garton, Page Perrier, Annie, Charlotte and Callum Graham, Dylan, Josh Kerr, Laura Wood, Matty Treagold, Lloyd, Michelle, Jamie, Natasha, Nanja and too anybody who I’m too tired to remember. Cheers you made it all worth while
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